why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
