Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
