Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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