you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
