The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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