careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
