Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
