is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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