Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
