Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
