Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
