He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
