dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
