nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The air was thick with penises
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
