What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize