yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
