Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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