Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
