new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
