i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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