i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
and she was petting her beer can
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
