Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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