Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize