Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
