Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
