I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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