i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize