lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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