I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
