Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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