How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
