I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
