so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
