dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
