just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
