So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
