when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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