Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
