I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
