Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
