She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
