dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
