i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
