I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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