he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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