I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
