I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
