I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
