you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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