For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
