I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize