I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Another day, another engagement, another cat
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize