I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Randomize
