You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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