There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
