when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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