i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
