I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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