I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
