Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
