I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
