May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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