she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
