is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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