I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
