well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
