My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
