I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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