I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
