He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
