i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
