So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
A+ Viking dick
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
