I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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