it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
