Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
