Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
