worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize