Whatcha textin bout Willis?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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