apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
