my sisters under your porch take her home
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
