I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
