I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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