I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
