Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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