Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize