She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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