im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
