Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
