i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
