I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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