Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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