I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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