I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
