Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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