they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
