I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Someone shit on the floor
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
