there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize