I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
