No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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