It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
