Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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