Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize