Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
