I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
