she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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