wat bout pragnant strippers??
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
