i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Randomize
