remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
