I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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