You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
