can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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