Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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