I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
