Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
