so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize