so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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