forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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