Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
