Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
