So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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