Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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