I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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