I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
