Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize